Early in my career I worked in marketing for an Israeli-backed startup that made competitive intelligence software for pharmaceutical execs. The founders – all engineers, programmers and former Israeli military intelligence officers – were convinced that the more complicated they made their software sound, the more impressed people would be. The VC’s were too embarrassed to admit they couldn’t understand how the software allegedly worked, but most of the sales team, pharma companies and industry analysts were left scratching their heads.
One day, after the founder rejected our new marketing brochure for the tenth or
eleventh time, I suggested we simply describe ourselves as “Bloomberg for
pharma execs.” I was almost fired on the spot, but eventually my suggestion
found its way to the sales team who suddenly started closing deals. Then the
engineers started firing on all cylinders. Then analysts started to pay
attention and the trade press started writing generally favorably. All because
they could suddenly understand what we were trying to do in terms they could
understand. Everybody knew what a Bloomberg terminal was and suddenly, what we
were trying to do had some context that was relatable.
The power of “For example”
As I explained in my post Overcoming
‘Smartest Kid in the Class Syndrome’ When Writing or Speaking, Research
shows that most humans can’t multitask. But that’s essentially what you’re asking people to do when
you introduce two, three, even four distinct themes into your writing and
speaking. Instead, just focus on one theme per content piece, and get your
thoughts down really well.
Making a statement without using examples can make your argument muddy,
as well as create more work for the reader or listener. Using examples to back
up statements of fact can add value to your writing. Examples make statements clearer,
give readers more information, and decrease the chances that the fact or idea
to be wrongly applied to real-life situations.
Let’s look at some instances of how “for example” can help
make it easier for the reader or listener to understand what you have to share:
INSTANCE #1: “Studies have shown that sentences with
clauses nested in the middle take longer to read and cause more comprehension
mistakes. Ditto for most sentences in the passive voice.” Huh!?!?
Instead, try: “For example:
If you write ‘Profits are loved by
investors,’ instead of ‘Investors love profits,’ you’re switching
the standard positions of the verb and the direct object. That can cut
comprehension accuracy by 10% and take a tenth of a second longer to read.” Oh, Now I get it.
INSTANCE #2: “Smart
people sometimes devalue other skills, like relationship building, and
over-concentrate on intellect.” Okay I guess?
Instead, how about: “For example, an individual who finds workplace
diplomacy difficult might write this off as an irritation rather than as a core
skill required for their role. Similarly, they might see it as critical for a
secretary to be personable, but not an executive. Therefore, they don’t invest
time and effort in developing these skills.” Yeah, I can relate to that!
INSTANCE #3: “When creating a portfolio, an investor
(and their financial advisor) should understand what risk factors come with
each type of asset, as well as any unknown factors that could also come into
play.” What???
Try this approach instead: “While risk is inherent to the
market, not all risks are created equal. For example, fixed
income instruments such as bonds are generally considered safer
than equities (stocks), but a blue-chip stock may be less risky than a
poorly-rated junk bond.” Okay, I think I
got it.
INSTANCE #4: “Again, we highly recommend contacting your
Medigap provider before traveling to understand exactly what is (and is not)
covered. If you’re not covered, traveler’s coverage is relatively cheap.” Really?
How so?
Instead, try: “For example: a one-week trip for someone age 55 with $0 deductible
and $1M medical limit would be $44 for the entire trip. For a family this
might be somewhere in the range of $100 to $150.” Now I’ve got it. Thanks.
Conclusion
Your readers and followers are busy.
Don’t make them work too hard to get what you’re trying to convey to them. “For
example,” is one of the best and most efficient ways to make complex concept
relatable to the reader. Just us "for example" judiciously. Overusing
it can make your writing repetitive or disrupt the flow of your text. Use it
only when you genuinely need to provide an example to support or clarify your
point. Your readers and followers will thank you.
Got something bugging you about your writing? I’d like to hear more.