As humans, we’re not very good at keeping promises to
ourselves. Take New Year’s resolutions. Year after year we promise ourselves:
“After the Holidays I’ll get my fitness/finances/waistline/relationships back
on track.” And what happens? They stall out and the sting of regret hangs in
the air like wet laundry over a long-ignored Peloton bike.
If this
sounds like you, you’re not alone. Research shows four out of
five New Year’s resolutions (81%) will be abandoned by mid-January. Another widely cited study found that one in four people
(23%) quit their resolution after just one week. Fitness
app Strava found the
majority of users had given up on their New Year’s resolutions by January 19
(aka national Quitter’s Day).
In a minute, I’ll share some tips for
increasing the odds of making your resolutions stick. But first let’s look at they
fail. Bottom line: behavior change is hard. It can be unpleasant, uncomfortable
and takes time. That’s a tough sell in today’s era of life hacks, apps and instant
gratification.
1. Timing. New Year’s Day is an absolutely
terrible time to start making accountability pacts with yourself. You’ve just spent
the past month (or two) overindulging with friends, family and the Amazon delivery
people. Your defenses and self-discipline are down. It takes time just to get
back on track, let improve. But most people assume they can sprint out of the
gate toward a better version of themselves, whether it’s breaking a bad habit
or reaching a financial, fitness or mental health goal. As with so many things
in life, it takes time and patience. You have to be committed for the long
haul.
2. Overly ambitious. Most people set New Year’s goals that are BHAGs
(Big Hairy Audacious Goals) instead of realistic, incremental ones. We tend swing
for the fences rather hitting solid singles. The problem with swinging for the
fences is that you’re far more likely to strike out. If you haven’t run a
quarter mile since junior high school gym class, don’t resolve to run a
marathon within six months. It may work in the movies, but in real life, you’re
just setting yourself up for disappointment, injury and an unhealthy relapse.
However, if you start with 20 minutes of walking a day with a goal of completing
a 5K run in six months, your odds of success go up exponentially. And from
there, you can talk about completing a 10K or half-marathon before year end
with even more ambitious goals in 2023.
3. All or
nothing mentality. New Year’s resolutions tend to encourage “all-or-nothing” thinking.
Success is measured as either a complete win or a complete failure. The
problem with such “all-or-nothing” goals is that they don’t allow for even minor
slip-ups. Once you fall off the bandwagon, it’s easy to get discouraged and
give up entirely. This is a big reason why so many folks abandon their
resolutions by February, according to the studies and surveys referenced above.
4. Lack of specificity. New Year’s often resolutions
fail because they’re too broad or too vague. “Read more,” “eat healthy foods,” “save more money,” or “fix my relationship” are examples of
goals that lack any real specificity. This can be problematic for three
reasons:
a)
They’re
not actionable. It’s difficult to know what exactly you
need to do to achieve your goal.
b)
They’re
difficult to measure. It’s difficult to create mental
milestones of success, as there’s no clearly defined end goal.
c)
They
lack accountability. If a goal is too vague, it can
seem more like an aspiration rather than a practical, real-world target. With
no target to aim for, you aren’t really accountable for hitting anything.
5 tips for
making resolutions stick
1. Be SMART. New Year’s resolutions are a form of behavior modification.
To make this changing mindset stick, you want to be SMART about (Specific,
Measurable, Actionable, Realistic and Time Specific). If your goal is
to lose 30 pounds by July 4th weekend (roughly 6 months from now),
that means you should strive to lose five pounds per month or 1.25 pounds per
week. That’s pretty specific and realistic and certainly very measurable. Small
sub-goals are much easier to strive for than trying to reach a daunting,
overwhelming task like “Lose 30 pounds this year.”
2. Be consistent. As the old saying goes: “Missing once is an accident.
Missing twice is the start of a new habit. My recent post Consistency Is Not Boring
has more.
3. Turn resolutions into ingrained habits. For example:
- Resolution: Quit smoking
vs. Habit: Stop smoking that one cigarette you have every
morning after breakfast.
- Resolution: Eat healthy
food vs. Habit: Start substituting that one daily morning
pastry for a banana.
- Resolution: Lose weight
vs. Habit: Every evening after work, go for a two to
three-minute run or walk around the block.
- Resolution: Manage stress
vs. Habit: Meditate for two to three minutes every morning
after you wake up.
- Resolution: Improve finances
vs. Habit: Save an extra 2 percent of each paycheck and put
half into my 401(k)s low-cost index fund and the other half into a
high-yield savings account at my bank.
*** For more on making resolutions habit forming, see Sahil Bloom’s
30 for 30 Challenge.
4. Take resolutions for a test drive in December. After
following Steps 1-3 above (preferably soon after Thanksgiving), see what it’s
like to pursue the “new you.” Have you bitten off more than you can chew? Is
attainment of the goal going to interfere with your work, make you too fatigued
to concentrate or compromise relationships with co-workers and family? If so,
it’s time to dial back your goals before you go live with your resolutions in
2023. Your friends, family and co-workers will thank you and be more supportive
of you when you’re not manic or irritable all the time.
5. Have an accountability partner. As the old saying goes, “it’s
easier to let down yourself than it is to let down someone you trust.” Share
your resolution with a person you can trust who won’t let you make excuses or
talk you out of striving toward your goal.
Conclusion
Eating an entire elephant
is impossible. But taking it one bite at a time makes a daunting challenge seem
manageable. Tweak your resolutions all year long (See Step 4) and don’t beat
yourself up for falling short. Instead of throwing in the towel, dust yourself,
get back on the horse and set more realistic goals for the remainder of 2023.
As Napolean Hill famously said: “A goal is just a dream with a deadline.”
What’s your take? I’d love to hear
from you.
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